As parents, we all want our children to make friends and socialize with others. That is no different for those us with autistic and ADHD kids. One way you can help is by arranging playdates for your autistic and ADHD child. But how should you prepare your child so that the playdate is successful?
Why schedule playdates?
Playdates are a great way to help your child socialize with their peers and help them build friendships. You also can be with your child to help coach them through any difficult or tricky situations with their friends.
Benefits of playdates for autistic and ADHD children can include:
- Improving their communication skills.
- Increasing their problem solving abilities.
- Practicing social skills like taking turns and sharing.
When our son J was young, we scheduled playdates with others fairly regularly. They mostly were with cousins, other kids on the spectrum and classmates. It was a good way to have J socialize with other children and learn about how to make friends. There were times when his and others’ behavior was challenging, but it was part of the process of learning social skills. As parents, it also allowed us to socialize with others since the parents of the playmate usually were friends or family.
Who makes a good playmate for your child?
Ideally, it is great to find a playmate that has the same interests as your child – especially focused, or special interests. However, liking the same type of activities will work too. They will have more in common and be able to relate to each other better. Playmates who are more flexible and patient are generally better for autistic children. If your child’s skills are behind a bit in development, then arranging a playdate with a child younger than yours may help it to be more successful.
Setting up the playdate with another parent
If you know the parent of the playmate already, then reaching out to schedule a playdate is much easier. However, what if you don’t know the other parent or have only met once or twice at a school function or pick-up from camp? I’ve been in the situation a few times, and I was glad I made the effort. I usually ended up making a new friend too.
If I didn’t already know the parent, then I would ask J to talk to his friend about getting his mother’s phone number. Sometimes, I would write a note for J to give to his friend to pass along to his parents. These usually worked well, and we managed to reach each other.
We then discussed the arrangements for the playdate.
Ways to prepare your autistic and ADHD child for the playdate
You want the playdate to be successful and for your child to be happy they were able to play with a friend. So how can you prepare your autistic and ADHD child for a playdate?
1. Ensure your child is ready for playdates
First, you need to make sure your child is ready to participate in playdates. Are they interested in playing with others? Will they be willing to share toys or play on the playground with another child? If you don’t feel they are ready, don’t force it. Wait for a while before proceeding with playdates.
2. Choose a neutral location
Sometimes, choosing a neutral location can help your child be more willing to participate in activities. If they are at your home, your child may be possessive of their toys or may insist on directing the play. When J was little, we had playdates at neighborhood parks that generally were not crowded or went on outings to the zoo, trampoline parks and other places where the kids could play and interact with each other.
3. Role play a playdate with your child
If your child has not yet had a playdate or usually has certain challenges during them, role playing a playdate can be helpful. It allows your autistic child to practice a playdate before it.
4. Use social stories to talk about playdates
Social stories can be so helpful in preparation for playdates. I had Carol Gray’s Social Story book (affiliate link) when J was younger, and we used it on a regular basis to talk about different situations and activities.
5. Give your child some quiet time before the playdate (and after!)
Playdates are stimulating and tiring, so it’s important to give your child some quiet time both before and after a playdate. This can help them be ready for playing with the other child and then come down after the event.
6. Practice a signal or phrase that your child can give you if they are overwhelmed or need a break
Your autistic and ADHD child may get overwhelmed during the playdate and need a break. To prepare for that, decide on a signal or phrase that your child can give you to indicate they need the break. Practice it before the playdate so they will remember it.
7. Be okay with parallel play
Depending on your child’s age and stage of development, they may feel more comfortable playing in parallel instead of together with another child. That is okay. They still will interact with each other, and the playdate will be beneficial for your child.
8. Prepare for meltdowns (and have your meltdown kit with you!)
A playdate could overwhelm your child’s senses, so be prepared for a meltdown. It’s important to have an emergency meltdown kit with you during it. Don’t have one? Find out how to build an emergency meltdown kit.
9. Have a snack on hand for the playdate
Snacks are great to have with you for a playdate! It allows the children to take a little break, and the food allows them to talk about something else and keep their blood sugar levels from dropping (which could cause a child to become irritable).
10. Keep the playdate short
Make the playdate long enough so the kids have fun but short enough to keep them from being overwhelmed. With a new playmate or if your child is younger, try 45 minutes to one hour to start. As they become more familiar with each other, you can lengthen the playdate times some.
11. Have a transition plan to leave in place
Transitions can be so hard for our children with autism and ADHD. Make sure you have a transition plan in place when it’s time to leave the playdate. Ideally, it’s good to have something at home that you need to get to for your child. For instance, if they have a particular show they like to watch or a part of their daily routine that can coincide with leaving, that can make the transition easier.
What is your advice to help an autistic and ADHD child have a successful playdate? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage each other along this journey!
