Impulse control. It is probably one of the biggest challenges our kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) face. As a parent, it’s one of our biggest frustrations with our child or teen. It can put us on edge, not knowing what action our child is going to take in the moment. Will they see something in a parking lot that makes them dart out in front of an oncoming car? Will they say something to a friend in the heat of moment that they will regret later? Will they put their fingers in the cake frosting while it’s sitting on the counter waiting for guests to arrive? We worry about what will happen. So how can you help your child with ADHD with impulse control?
Look for patterns and prepare
First, be a student of your child’s behavior and really study their actions. Think about the situations where they are most likely to be impulsive and what their actions are in those situations. Learn all you can about impulsive behaviors.
When our son J was little, he consistently would run into parking lots and into the street. It was a dangerous situation that caused my husband and I to be vigilant in watching him. He played only in the backyard at our house unless we were in the front yard with him. We held his hand when walking to and from the car, and we would put him in the car first before getting his little brother in the car.
This was an easy pattern to see. Another pattern that is easy to predict are interruptions in conversations. Some impulsive actions are not quite as readily predicted, but usually we can find the patterns for our kids and teens. You can then create a plan to address those actions once you’ve identified the pattern.
Hold your child accountable for their actions
J has told me that his brain races so fast that it is hard for him to slow down to think about his actions. As he is getting older, he is able to do this a little better than before, but it’s still hard. We talk about taking a pause and breath before he does something impulsive. Sometimes it works, a lot of time it still doesn’t. It is a big challenge he faces every day.
A conversation we have is that ADHD isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. Some impulsive behavior does not lead to doing something wrong necessarily. Other actions do, and he breaks rules. I imagine you deal with the same thing. Therefore, we have to hold him accountable through discipline for those actions.
With discipline, we want to put consequences in place that deter him from taking those impulsive actions. Breaking the rules because of an impulsive act results in a loss of privilege, a time out or a grounding. We aim to make the consequence appropriate for the action. For instance, if he deliberately goes over time playing his Xbox, that same amount of time is taken away from his next session. If he impulsively says something mean to his brother that starts a big fight, he may need to stay in his room for a cooldown period for a half hour or so.
Think about which ways are best to hold your child accountable. Maybe it’s a mix of discipline with a more positive approach such as earning tokens and privileges with those tokens. One important factor is to be firm and consistent in holding your child accountable for their actions.
Praise and reward your child’s patience
On the flip side, strive to praise and reward your child for having patience. Resisting an impulse is so hard for kids with ADHD, so take notice when your child is successful. Celebrate their victories over the impulsive behavior. Let them know what they are doing right – that can go a long way in helping them to aspire for more impulse control.
Channel impulses to healthy outlets
If your child needs a channel for their energy, look at healthy ways to develop a disciplined mindset. Participating in an individual sport such as martial arts, running track or swimming could help. Arranging for your child to expend energy in a positive way in a safe environment can help. When J was little, we had a trampoline and swing set in our backyard. He spent hours on both, which helped his energy levels and also provided much needed vestibular movement sensory input. What types of activities would allow your child to channel their impulses positively?
There are many ways you can help your ADHD child with impulse control. What ways work for your child? Share with others in the comments section.
