It’s holiday time, which means family gatherings for many. For some relatives, you may have not seen them since last year’s holiday festivities or even longer. Others you probably see on a regular basis. Whatever is the case for you, holidays can be fun and stressful celebrations for your autistic child. So how can you prepare your relatives for a holiday gathering with your autistic child?
I’ve read quite a bit about preparing your autistic child for the holidays. I even written this blog post about it 😊 Yet, preparing relatives to interact with your autistic child or to know what to expect can go a long way too in making the holidays more fun and relaxed for everyone.
Why is it important to prepare relatives for a holiday gathering with your autistic child?
The holidays can be a stressful time for our autistic kids. For example, many deal with sensory overwhelm from the celebrations and changes in their routines. If they are picky eaters, mealtimes can be uncomfortable and disappointing if none of their preferred foods are available. The social expectations also can feel too much for your child.
It is important that you prepare your child as much as you can for the holiday gathering. But also communicating with and setting expectations with your relatives can help reduce the stress your child and your family may be feeling in these situations.
I know as a parent, I felt on edge at family holiday gatherings. Would my son J say something that would offend or make someone else feel uncomfortable? His hyperactivity from his ADHD could be annoying to some people, so I was constantly looking for ways to help him burn off some energy in a healthy, constructive way like playing outside. I had to check with the host to be sure I knew if any foods contained nuts (he is allergic) and ensure I brought something that I knew he would eat. Then there were those who we didn’t see that often who didn’t really understand autism and ADHD. We felt judged as bad parents because they didn’t know the underlying cause of his behaviors and thought they were caused by ineffective parenting.
How can you prepare your relatives for interacting with your child?
So how do you communicate with relatives to make things go smoother during the holiday festivities? Here are a few suggestions.
1. Send a quick family update to relatives before the holiday gathering
Be sure to collect email addresses from your relatives (or connect with them via social media if they have profiles on the same channels you use) and provide a quick family update before the celebration. Tell them how much you look forward to seeing them all. This is a great way to note your child’s current special interest, any watchouts and anything else you think is important.
2. Make a quick call to the host/hostess of the gathering
A quick phone call to the family member who is hosting the gathering can really help to prepare for the event. You can remind them of your child’s needs and ask if there is a safe place in their home where your child could calm down if they become overwhelmed. You can also ask about what food will be served and offer to bring a dish or two that you know your child will eat.
In addition, if your child is having any specific behavior challenges, you can give them a heads up and how you will handle the situation if the behavior occurs. Finally, you can inquire or suggest any calming group activities that may help reduce stress like having a jigsaw puzzle out that everyone could work on, card games that your child and others enjoy, or playing a movie that your child and others would like to watch together.
3. Seek out one or more allies for your child
Does your child have a favorite cousin who is nurturing and they like to play or hang out with? For my son J, it is his cousin K, who is my brother’s daughter. She is such a calming presence for him, and he has always enjoyed being with her. Do you have a couple of relatives who are champions and advocates for your autistic child? Recruit them to help you with your child or answer questions that other relatives may be asking. This can be especially important with extended family or others who do not have much exposure to your child.
4. Provide guidance on gifts for your child
If your family is exchanging gifts, let your relatives know your autistic child’s preferences and especially what their special interest is now. We all want to purchase or make gifts that someone will enjoy, so letting them know will be appreciated in most cases. Also, be sure to ask them what gifts their children would like!
Being proactive can really be helpful when preparing for the holidays to make them enjoyable for all. What tips do you have to prepare relatives for spending time during the holidays with your autistic child? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey!
