When you have a child with autism and ADHD, meltdowns are inevitable. They are difficult, and they can send your own stress and anxiety levels sky high as you try to assist your child. To better help your child through a meltdown, it’s important for you to stay calm. But how do you do that during such an emotional situation? Read on for five ways to stay calm during your child’s meltdown.
Meltdowns are involuntary
One thing that I remind myself when my son J has a meltdown is that they are involuntary. He is not throwing a tantrum because he isn’t getting what he wants. He is having a meltdown.
A meltdown usually happens due to sensory overwhelm. It could be triggered by any number of factors such as loud noises, strong smells, bright lights, unexpected changes in routine, or the loss of a favorite toy or item. This results in a physical outburst that could include crying, screaming, kicking, thrashing, hitting and/or biting.
As parents, we too are human. It is distressing to see our children go through something that is so traumatic in the moment. When it happens in public, it is even worse because it also can be embarrassing. You can feel judged by others as you are trying to help your child.
Yet, staying calm during that situation is what your child needs. You cannot help your child if you too are in a panic. It’s easy to do though, and we’ve all been there.
Staying calm during a meltdown
So how can you keep your cool during your child’s meltdown? I have found it helpful to talk through meltdowns with my son’s behavior therapist to have a plan in place for when it happens. As part of my parent training with her, we’ve talked about his meltdowns, what happened and how I can help him better in the future. Knowing that I have a plan in my head for when they occur really helps.
I know too that some parents keep “meltdown kits” of favorite items nearby that can help calm their child. This can be very helpful.
Here are five ways you can stay calm during your child’s meltdown:
1. Take a deep breath and keep your voice level low
A meltdown will increase your own anxiety. To counteract it, take a few deep breaths to calm your nerves and ensure your brain and body are getting the oxygen needed. When we are anxious, our breaths tend to be shallow, which causes even more problems.
Because your child is in sensory overload, don’t add to that overwhelm. One way you can do this is by keeping your voice level low. Be just loud enough that your child can hear you. A softer voice can be soothing. Talking loudly or shouting will only add to the problem and not help you de-escalate the situation.
2. Assess the situation and acknowledge your child’s feelings
Assess what is going on and what is triggering your child’s meltdown. Is there a loud noise that can be stopped or bright lights that can be turned off? Is there a favorite toy nearby that can offer comfort? Will hugging your child help or make things worse? If you are in a public place, what is the best way to remove your child from the situation? Figuring out the next step for calming your child can help you feel more in control and stay calm.
Acknowledging your child’s feelings is also important. Be understanding and let them know you are not angry with them. Let them know you want to help them.
3. Remember that meltdowns are not rational or logical
Don’t blame your child or yourself for the meltdown. Because they are the result of sensory overload, this isn’t something your child is choosing to do. They are not based on logic and trying to reason your child out of meltdown will not work.
4. Stay in control by disengaging emotionally
We have a lot of empathy for our children, and we tend to feel their emotions. Yet, you may need to force yourself to emotionally disengage during the meltdown to keep yourself calm. If you get too immersed in their emotions, it will be hard for you to keep them at bay while you try to keep yourself composed.
5. Tell others what you need them to do
It is important that you as the parent or caregiver handle the situation yourself. However, if the meltdown happens in public or among friends and family, you may need to tell others what you need them to do. For instance, if it happens in a store, let people know that your child has autism and that you need some space to help them calm down. If dangerous objects are nearby that your child could hurt themselves with, ask someone to remove them for you. Most people want to help but are at a loss of what to do. If the situation becomes an emergency, ask someone to call 911 for you. Thankfully most meltdowns do not get to that level, but if it does have someone help you.
After a meltdown is over, be sure to take some time to calm down yourself. These situations are emotional and exhausting. Remember that you need to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of others.
Do you have other suggestions of how to stay calm during your child’s meltdown? Share them in the comments!
