Having a child with autism and ADHD is not easy. It’s a journey that has both rewards and challenges, and those who are not on this road or one similar to it with a child who has additional needs cannot truly understand it. In these current times, it seems like stress levels are increasing with many worries. We worry about whether we will have enough healthcare coverage for our kids; if our children will continue to have the special education support and services they need through school; and about their private patient-identifiable health information being used without consent. It’s a lot, and we need to stand in solidarity with each other as parents of autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) children to be there to support each other.
I have been fortunate over the years to make friends with other parents of autistic and/or ADHD children. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to talk to another mom who just gets it. She completely understands the struggles and the joys of milestones that other parents cannot truly comprehend. I can commiserate with a dad about how people say our kids don’t look like they have autism. We totally understand the struggles to get the right accommodations for our children in school. And so much more.
Reasons behind starting Autism & ADHD Connection
Wanting to support other parents is the biggest reason why I started this blog in the first place. I had been on the journey with my son J for more than a decade. I had so many learnings, and I would share them with other parents of AuDHD children. They in turn shared with me what they had learned.
We also talked about our frustrations and celebrations along the way. Standing in solidarity as parents is one of the biggest helps and reliefs to me on this journey. In fact, it has become even more important recently as I’ve felt our autistic children’s rights are in jeopardy, no matter what age our child is (and that includes teens and adults).
How to find other parents of autistic/ADHD children
The question then becomes how to find other parents of AuDHD children to develop relationships with when your time is restrained in just caring for your child and family.
Here are some ways I have found other parents to interact with over the years. I hope this will help you!
- If your community has a local autism support group, join it! Many will provide childcare during the meetings.
- Look for local events for families with an autistic family member and then make it a priority to attend them. Our local autism groups have offered family nights, Trunk or Treats, walks, and Breakfast with Santa. Attending these are a great way to meet other parents of autistic children.
- Volunteer for your local autism organization. If you have an older child or teen, volunteer to help with one of the events the organization is hosting. That not only will give your child or teen some great experience, but you will meet other parents in a different way. I served on the board of directors for our local autism organization for three years. I loved it! I did have to step down at the end of my term due to some life events, but I made such wonderful friends and know that I served our local autism community in a great way.
- Remember that it’s okay to strike up a conversation with other parents if they seem open to it at school, doctor appointments and other places. J was in a support group with his therapist, and the other parents and I became friends as we talked to each other in the waiting room during their sessions.
- Listen to other parents at your work or at your child’s school. Many times, they will reveal that they have an autistic child. I’ve made friends at both this way.
- Join an online forum for parents of autistic children. If you live in an area that does not have a local autism organization, find other parents online. The Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (AANE) has parent discussion groups on their website. Also, My Autism Team is an online community for parents of autistic children. I joined, and it has been a way to connect with others.
- Connect with other parents on Substack! There are many of us writing newsletters and posts, so follow and connect with us!
Supporting each other as parents of AuDHD children
So how can you support another parent of an AuDHD child? Help how you would want helped by another parent. Here are some suggestions and things I’ve done.
- Listen and share your experiences that you’ve had with your child – both what has worked well and the struggles you’ve had. It’s so important that we understand others are on this journey too and not to feel isolated and alone.
- Be there for them as they go through challenges – whether that is being a supportive listening ear, making phone calls on their behalf, inviting their family over for a pizza night at your house, or going to a local autism event as families together.
- Offer health care provider and other recommendations if they are looking for help for their child and you’ve had a good experience with one. Referrals can be golden.
- Sit together at school events. I’ve done this so many times, and it has always made the event so much better whether it was an end-of-the-year awards night or my son J’s choir concert.
- Schedule playdates for your kids. I did this a lot, and it was so helpful for our kids and us as parents.
- Invite their kids to your child’s birthday party. I always did this because I wanted them and their kids at J’s birthday parties. Our kids don’t usually get many invites, and it was fun to be there together.
- Share your experiences for your autistic child’s IEP (individualized education plan) meetings and support each other’s efforts to get the best services for education for your children.
- Talk about what’s going on in your community, the challenges you and your child face and ways to stand up for your autistic children’s rights.
Being there is so important for us as parents and our autistic/ADHD children. No one should face this journey alone, and for those of us going through it, we have a unique perspective to share with each other that others in our lives don’t understand.
