Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s or other holidays during the late part of the year, that time can be both festive and stressful. For our kids on the autism spectrum, it too can be a lot of fun but also very hectic for them. That is why taking some time to prepare your autistic child for the holidays can make a difference in how much you and your child enjoy it.
Our son J fully embraced the holidays when he was younger. Now that he’s a teenager, he still enjoys them, but they don’t arouse his emotions as much these days. From Halloween through New Year’s Eve, he looked forward to each and every holiday. J was thrilled to wear his Halloween costume and go trick-or-treating for Halloween. He loved the turkey and the fixings for the big feast on Thanksgiving. J delighted in visiting Santa Claus, driving around to look at Christmas lights and opening presents on Christmas morning. He was excited to be able to stay up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.
How does your child approach the holidays? Do they anticipate all the fun, or do they succumb easily to sensory overwhelm? Here are 25 ways to help you prepare your autistic child for holidays so that you can all enjoy them more.
Counting down and home decorating
1. Mark the date on a calendar so your child can count down the days to the holiday
Counting down the days on a calendar to the holiday can be a fun way to prepare your child for when a holiday will occur. For example, you can use an Advent Calendar with a fun token or treat for each day if you celebrate Christmas.
2. Have a special holiday photo album with photos of relatives and past holidays to remind your child of the people who they will see and what the decorations in the home were like
If your child hasn’t seen their relatives for a while or can be bothered by the changes to the home with decorations, this special photo album pulled out a few weeks before can help them ease into the holidays.
3. Use Social Stories™
Using social stories can be so helpful for prepare your autistic child for the upcoming holidays. Try this free Christmas social story and this one about visiting relatives and getting dressed for winter.
4. Decorate gradually for the holiday if the changes bothers your child and have them help with the decorating
If your child is bothered by the changes to your home with holiday decorations, set up a schedule and gradually decorate your house. Make it a fun activity for you and your child each day to add a few decorations around the house.
5. Develop a visual schedule for days when there are holiday activities
Using a visual schedule on days when there are holiday activities can help your child know what to expect. They may be more adaptive when they understand how their routine may change.
6. Let them know when decorations will be removed
Some kids are very excited when holiday decorations are in their home, and they don’t like to see them taken down after the holiday. Prepare your child for their removal by talking about your plan for putting up the decorations.
7. Create a picture book of your home from past holidays to remind them of how it looks and garner excitement for the upcoming holiday
In addition to the special holiday photo album, consider making a picture book with photos of your home during past holidays and from previous holiday activities and traditions. This can help them get excited about the upcoming holiday.
Travelling
8. Bring favorite and familiar belongings for your child when you travel
When we travel, we all like to have something familiar with us. Your child is no different and probably will rely on it for stress relief. So be sure to pack a favorite stuffed animal, book, iPad/tablet or other familiar objects to have on the trip.
9. If travelling, ask the host to serve some of your child’s favorite foods – for meals and snacks
If your child is on a gluten-free or other special diet, arrange to pick up some food and ingredients on your arrival to bring with you to their home.
10. Have Social Stories™ on hand for travelling to remind your child of different parts of the journey and help with any delays or other travel snafus
Using social stories to prepare for a trip – whether by plane, car or train – can help them know what to expect. Check out this social story for travelling by airplane.
11. If you are flying by plane and it’s your child’s first time, see if a local autism group offers an airport program where people with autism can visit the airport before they fly to become familiar with it and its procedures
12. If travelling, carry an information sheet about your child to share with authorities in case of emergency. This should include a color photo
Making a plan for challenges
13. Prepare family members to help with anxiety or behavioral challenges that may occur with your child
If you have relatives who don’t see your child very often, send an email or make a quick call before the holiday gathering to touch base and give them an update on your child. Let them know what challenges you might face and how they can help if a situation occurs.
14. Role play gift opening by unwrapping presents, taking turns and saying thank you
Taking some time to role play unwrapping presents, remembering to take turns and saying thank you can be a good way to prepare for gift opening for the holiday.
15. Anticipate questions and well-meaning but maybe unhelpful advice from relatives
I welcome thoughtful questions from others about autism and helping them to better understand it. In fact, I wish my relatives and friends would ask more. When someone isn’t on this journey, they don’t understand it. That is what I have to remind myself before a family gathering. If anyone offers advice that isn’t helpful or relevant, I smile politely, thank them and either change the subject or excuse myself to attend to my child or help with the festivities.
16. If your child wants a specific gift but they will not receive it, don’t say they may receive it. You don’t want them getting their hearts set on a gift they will not receive
We all can remember that one or two gifts we wanted so much for holidays during our childhood. It was in our thoughts every day leading up to the holiday. Our kids are the same. However, it’s important not to lead your child on if there is no way they will receive their desired gift. Be sure to set their expectations, so they are not extremely disappointed when they don’t receive it.
Dealing with sensory overload
17. Expect a meltdown and set up a plan to help your child deal with sensory overload
Holidays bring a lot of sensory input – noise, bright lights, overwhelming emotions and more. That can lead to sensory overwhelm for your child. Be aware of the situations that may cause your child to meltdown and have a plan in place to handle it, especially if you are travelling and are in an unfamiliar setting. Be sure to have a meltdown kit on hand.
18. If your child is focused on a specific gift they want, help them to not talk about it constantly
For example, give them six tokens and for each discussion about it, they give a token to you. Once they have used all their tokens, then they cannot mention the gift around others for the rest of the day. (You may make it so that it’s okay for them to talk to you in private about it.)
19. Identify a safe place for calming in your home and where they are visiting
Once you’ve arrived at your destination, identify a safe place for your child to go if they start feeling overwhelmed and need a place to calm down.
20. Keep routines in place as much as possible
Holiday activities can interfere with our normal schedules and routines. Try to keep your child’s routine in place as much as possible, especially bed and wake-up times.
21. Choose wisely which activities to participate in during the holidays
You know your child – they may love driving around looking at Christmas lights, enjoying a small kids’ party at your church or having a dinner with another family. However, large events with lots of noise and lights may cause sensory overload. Decide which activities to participate in versus which ones are best to politely decline.
Anticipating your child’s needs
22. Establish family traditions so your child knows what to expect year to year
Holidays are a great time for family traditions. For us, we love to drive around looking at Christmas lights, in both neighborhoods and our city downtown. We enjoy watching holiday movies throughout the season and making cookies. When our kids were little, we took them every year to visit Santa and ride on a Santa train. As they’ve gotten older, we love going to a movie on Christmas afternoon with friends or by ourselves. These are family traditions that our son J looks forward to every year.
23. Remember to also focus on your other kids and their needs as well
When you are parent to a special needs child, sometimes their needs become your focus. Yet, don’t forget about their siblings’ needs too. They may enjoy doing some activities that your child with autism and ADHD doesn’t. Maybe you can find a babysitter or friend to watch your child while you make time to take your child’s siblings to a holiday outing of their choice.
24. Communicate your expectations to your child
Many times, stress and arguments occur because of unmet expectations. Be clear and communicate your expectations for the holidays to your child. This can go a long way to a peaceful and fun celebration and prepare your autistic child for the upcoming holidays.
25. Find some time to relax and enjoy the festivities
The holidays are stressful for many parents. Make sure that you are practicing self-care and finding time to relax and enjoy the activities. Maybe put on some favorite holiday music and enjoy a cup of tea or hot cocoa while child participates in a quiet activity. Or go outside and enjoy an evening walk to look at the outdoor decorations.
What are your tips to prepare your autistic child for the holidays? Leave a comment below to share with others!
