Once Halloween hits, we have two months of the ongoing holiday season. Depending on what you celebrate, that could include Thanksgiving, Diwali, Kwanza, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s and/or others. The holiday season can bring a lot of visions and expectations about what it should look like with many activities and merriment. Yet, when you have an autistic child, the holidays can bring much sensory overwhelm and interruptions to routines. That can be stressful for your child. So how can you celebrate the holidays in a way that brings joy to your autistic child during this time of year?
Be choosy
Although there are countless things you could do during the holiday season, you definitely don’t need to do them all – or even that many – to make this time of year special. In fact, being choosy and selecting only a few things for the holidays may be more memorable for your autistic child, you and your family.
Do what matters most to your family
You can focus on only the things that mean the most to your family during this season. We had a few traditions when my son J was growing up that we enjoyed each season (that also didn’t bring him a lot of stress or disrupt his routine too much).
We always enjoyed driving through neighborhoods looking at Christmas lights. Our family loved seeing all the different ways people decorated their homes at night around our and nearby additions. We also loved going to our city’s Christmas at the Zoo and the Indianapolis Children’s Museum to slide down the Yule Slide. And we never forgot watching our favorite holiday movies each year – “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” “Elf”, “White Christmas,” “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “Tom and Jerry’s Nutcracker,” “Christmas Vacation,” and all the “Frosty the Snowman” movies. Finally, as J and his brother got older, we enjoyed a delicious meal at a steak restaurant near us on Christmas Eve. If we focused just on those activities, then our family felt like we had a good holiday season.
Don’t let others dictate your family’s fun for the holidays
Well-meaning extended family or friends may tell you some activities they think you need to do during the holidays. Or they may invite you to an event and make you feel obligated to attend. If it will cause your autistic child too much overwhelm or your family stress (or just not bring you much joy), then it’s okay to politely decline. You know what activities are going to be the best fit for your child and family, and there is no reason to do something that doesn’t. Remember you can be choosy and focus only on the things that matter most to you and your family.
Let go of your expectations for the season
Movies, media, stores and others set high expectations for this season. You may have a vision of what you think this season should look or feel like to you and all the things you must do to make it “successful.” You can let go of those expectations. If you plan to do an activity, but your autistic child is stressed by it and has a meltdown, it’s okay to forego it. You can try it next year if you feel like it’s important or just take it off your list and do something that is more sensory friendly.
Realizing that you don’t have to do all the things you expect to bring joy to your autistic child and family during the holiday season is a blessing. In fact, I think our autistic children usually have fewer expectations for this season, and we as parents can learn from that.
Sometimes, we bring so much stress to ourselves by trying to live up to expectations that are only in our own minds. Map out an ideal holiday season for you and your family – and then whittle it down to what you think is realistic and will truly be meaningful for your family. You, your autistic child and your whole family will enjoy the holiday season so much more with a lot less stress.
Additional resources
Looking for some additional resources related to this topic? Check out these.
James Celebrates Christmas (James Autism series) (affiliate link)
Joey T. and the Winter Holiday Worries (affiliate link)
Holiday Planning for Neurodivergent Families: Creating Calm and Joy for Autism, ADHD, and AuDHD (affiliate link)
American Sign Language Christmas Story: A Sign Language Holiday Story (affiliate link)
Calming Christmas Coloring (affiliate link)
